I Had A Feeling
by StarscreamII
Summary: Arcee and Knockout have a very passionate but loveless relationship. As they try to understand why they remain together, they realize some important things about loss and and acceptance, and also that they have much more in common than they once believed.


**A/N: **So…I had this idea, right? And I don't know why. But sometimes, you've just gotta go with it. So I did. And ended up getting some really hot Knockout/Arcee in the shower. *shrug*

It's pretty experimental, there's no backstory, it's set in the Prime universe, sometime after the war has ended, I'm not sure if I even like this pairing. I don't quite understand how it would work, seeing as Arcee has lost two of her previous partners (and lovers, possibly) and in my opinion, she wouldn't want to get emotionally close to anyone after that in case it were to happen again. In Knockout's case, well, we all know that the only bot good enough for him is…himself, so I couldn't see him in a relationship for the emotional part of things, only the physical, and maybe not even that, considering there would most definitely be scratches on his paintjob after a passionate escapade. So, all in all, I'm not sure why I'm even writing this. Maybe it's an attempt to coax my inspiration back. Maybe not.

This is dedicated to **spirit sl**, one of my new-found friends and fellow mental patient. XD

Aaaaaaand….last but not least, I blame **Hearts of Eternity** for corrupting my (formerly) innocent mind by introducing me to Transformers shower smut. It's all her fault.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Arcee or Knockout. Although I wouldn't mind taking him home to borrow him for a while…

_Also, listen to the song __**"Undisclosed Desires" by Muse**__ before or after you read this. It fits strangely well… You could listen to it __**while**__ you read, but that's kinda difficult, and it's a short song. You could start listening to it when they start their foreplay. Just be warned, that song is pure sex._

* * *

"I had a feeling I'd find you here…"

The small red mech unshuttered his striking optics and smirked handsomely. "Where else would I be after a long drive through the desert? High-velocity sand is a glitch to my finish."

"You want some help on your back?"

"I'd much rather be the one on top, but I'll indulge your desires all the same."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know, I know." He chuckled and presented his back to her, bracing himself against the shower column with his forearms.

"I missed you," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Understandable, my dear. Once you've experienced perfection, it's hard to live with anything less."

She pulled away and flicked him, ignoring his cry of, "Watch the paint!" and started sponging down the insides of his shoulder armoring.

He immediately seemed to forget the assault on his flawless frame just astroseconds earlier and let his chin drop to his chest, giving an appreciative rev of his finely-tuned engine. "Somehow, you always know how exactly what I like…"

"I've been with you for a while now."

"What'll be…a vorn?"

"Soon."

"You should feel…accomplished. That's the longest I've ever been with anyone. We're not even exclusive and yet you still manage to be…ah, shall we say, adequate enough to keep me from wanting anyone else. You're so enticing that I keep coming back for more…"

"That makes it sound like you're my secret lover," she teased. "We share a berth, Knockout."

He waved his hand dismissively. "Pretending it's illicit is much more fun."

"It started out that way, remember?"

"The lines between the factions were blurring at the time. It wasn't illicit, per se…simply…risky."

"The crazy things we did to see each other." She giggled at some of the more comical memories. "Remember the time when I only had about five breems until someone would start looking for me? I couldn't find you, but then you were suddenly just _there_ and…well, I started calling it the 'fantastic five-breem frag.'"

At that, Knockout laughed loudly. She loved that sound. It was rare; usually all she got was his typical aloof chuckle, which she still loved, but his genuine laughs were better. She moved around to the two wheels that jutted from his back and scrubbed the insides of his rims, eliciting a throaty moan that could have been mistaken for a growl, but she knew better. For him, a thorough washing was almost better than interface. Almost. The only thing he liked more was being buffed and polished. And after this, she would be more than happy to pleasure him with a polishing cloth.

"So how was your mission?" she asked, sweeping over the ridges and crevices of the treads of his tires, using her fingers to pick out the occasional rock.

"It went well… I managed to secure two, possibly three, small sources of energon—ah…mm, femme, do you want me to continue, or will you keep distracting me?"

"Oh, no, continue, please," she giggled.

He sniffed and ruffled his shoulder plates. "I promised to pay the locals in some way or ahhh…..! Stop it! I'm _trying_ to answer your question!"

"What am I doing?" she asked innocently.

"You know _exactly_ what you're doing..." He spared a suspicious glance over his shoulder before continuing to relay the details of his mission. "We'd pay them for the mining rights, whether it be in materials, money, whatever they wanted, within reason, ahhhhh…gah! Arcee!" He brought up his leg and kicked her in the shin, more out of reflex than anything else.

She yelped and jumped back, flinging soapy water everywhere. "Stay still!"

"I can't! Not when you're doing…_that_ to me!"

The blue femme smirked. "You liked it though…"

Knockout huffed. "Yes, but…I…not during a shower… Can it wait? Until after I'm clean? Then, we can save the buffing and polishing for after any sort of…activities we might engage in, so that scratches can be buffed out…" he trailed off and shrugged helplessly.

"Fine, fine. Turn around. How'd you know I'd be buffing and polishing you?"

"You're familiar with my routines," he murmured, resuming his former position warily. "Besides, when am I ever _not _buffed and polished?"

"Good point…" she went back to work rubbing the dirt off his armor in large circles, with enough pressure to make him sway gently with the movement. Slowly, she let her other hand work its way around his waist. Her fingers skipped up his chassis, coming to rest on his right headlight. She pressed her frame against his, feeling a familiar thrill run through her when he let out a surprised rev that vibrated across his frame. "It can't wait," she whispered, letting the sponge drop to the shower floor with a wet _schplop_ and ran her now free hand down his left leg. "_I_ can't wait."

Suddenly, she found herself on her back with Knockout kneeling over her, pinning her down by her wrists. His frame was warm and his engine was growling aggressively. "If you want to have your way with me, you're going to have to fight for it." He settled one leg on her chest and the sharp plating on his knee dug into her sensitive neck wiring. She was used to this. He was violent. He was a former Decepticon who had a penchant for destroying things. He liked his interface rough, but he was also attentive enough to know when he was actually seriously hurting her. Besides, after a few overloads, he was typically mellow enough to tend to the few wounds she may have obtained.

Mustering all her strength, she drove her knee into his thigh, throwing him off balance long enough for her to scramble to her feet and retreat to the opposite wall. He stood, automatically dusting himself off, even though there was no dust in the room, and started stalking across the room toward her; a maniac expression in his hypnotic crimson optics. This would be an interesting experience. They didn't happen often. Usually, they didn't have an entire room to themselves. Typically just their private quarters. Enough room for a double berth and a desk and a computer. When he had enough space, he would almost lapse back into the mindset he'd had when the war was still in full swing and he and Arcee had met only on the battlefield. The same predatory look would come into his gaze, but mixed with it was lust. Lust was the one emotion that made a mech more dangerous than he was with anger. Maybe that was why she was with him. Because she liked danger more than she would allow herself to admit. He was certainly dangerous. She had a feeling she would receive more than the usual amount of scratches from this particular session.

He pounced at her wordlessly but she ducked to the side, unfortunately into a corner. He retained his grace and rebounded perfectly, trapping her; one hand on each wall on either side of her. Fluidly, she slid down the wall and slipped between his legs, hoping to escape once more, but as she popped to her feet, she felt his claws digging into her right winglet. He yanked her backward and her thin frame collided with his in a resounding clang. The only difference between their fights and their love-making was his habit of speaking. When they had met on the battlefield, he would almost always be spouting one-liners and insults. When he wanted interface, he became mute. He never said a word, save for a few passionate gasps at his climax, maybe her name being screamed, occasionally. His instinct became the focus during intimacy. He wanted to frag, and that's what he was going to do. There was no room for extra words. He let his actions speak for him. And sweet Primus, did they ever.

He was the best lover she'd had, by far. Tailgate and Cliffjumper had been good, but Knockout carried an air of danger and mystery around with him that the two Autobot mechs never had. Still, there was something missing here. She didn't have an emotional connection to Knockout. Their love was purely physical, and she wasn't even sure it could be called _love_. Sure, he somehow managed to make her overload more times than she ever had with either of her previous partners, but after it was all over, there was no feeling of love and gooey sappiness that should have been present during the afterglow. There was contentment, and she did feel inclined to snuggle with him after the fact, but there was no emotion. Her thoughts would drift back to Cliffjumper and Tailgate and when she woke up next to a handsome red mech, she was expecting it to be one of them. But it wasn't. They were gone. All she had left was the ex-'Con.

Being slammed onto her back again shook her out of her thoughts. She shouldn't have been thinking about _them_, anyway. Not when Knockout was trying to mount her and could very possibly injure her in his blind lust. She had to deal with him now; she'd have time to reminisce later. She grabbed his shoulders and twisted to the side, attempting to pin him to the floor the way he had earlier, but his heavier frame made it difficult. He shoved her away and regained his balance, remaining in a crouch while she backed up a few steps. He scared her sometimes, when he became feral like this. She had no doubt he knew that. In a way, she was almost able to handle it better if she treated him like a threat, not her lover. She was so used to fighting, if he'd been sweet and gentle with her, she would have felt uncomfortable. Fights, she knew. They were all she'd ever known.

He sprang at her with a low snarl, but this time, she couldn't move out of the way fast enough. The whole force of his body smashed her against the wall and she groaned when she felt her winglets crumple slightly under the pressure. Normally, he would have backed off a little when he noticed she was in pain. This time, he didn't. He shoved his face into her neck and bit down on the tension wires, making a noise somewhere between a growl and a purr. A strangled yelp escaped from her vocal processor and she kicked out weakly, making contact with nothing but empty air. "Knock…out—stop…"

He paid no attention to her plea, or if he heard it, he interpreted it as teasing. A plea for _more. _He grabbed her thigh, digging his claws in. The sound of metal scratching against metal filled the room and echoed off the walls, amplified. That got to her. To a Cybertronian, there was nothing more erotic than that sound. That sound meant that some bot, somewhere, was getting lucky. Or fighting. Or, in _their_ present predicament, both. "You want it rough," she murmured. "I get it. Let's fight." If he was going to come on this strong, she would reciprocate. She started it, after all.

She didn't have claws, but her fingers were sharp enough to scratch, she knew that from previous experience. She raked them down his back and the action caused him to hiss and bite down on her neck again, harder. She felt his small but sharp fangs puncture one of her energon lines. His claws tightened on her thigh and he hitched her leg over his hip. Arcee briefly thought about how that was a common action for organic mating; that it was strange for one of her species to adopt, but that thought was pushed to the back of her processor when her vision blurred and her internal equilibrium counters warned her that she was now horizontal. Her already damaged winglets hit the floor again and Knockout's weight landed on top of her not an astrosecond later. She tried to scoot out from under him, but he still had her thigh in his grasp and easily pulled her back. She moaned when his magnetic field mingled with hers, slightly confused as to why she hadn't been feeling that stimulus when they started, but her processor was starting to cloud with arousal and thinking was becoming harder.

He used his other hand to secure both her wrists to the floor, still keeping one hand firmly on her thigh. She squirmed and writhed, trying to free her own hands. She wasn't going to let him have all the fun. She wanted to get her fingers tangled up in his internal circuitry. He nuzzled her chest almost tenderly…before biting her again. She gasped loudly and kicked out in reflex; back arching. She had to get her hands free in order to get to his cable, and, likewise, he had to get to hers. So one hand was going to have to go. Almost without thinking, she flicked out her arm blades and jerked upward, managing to make a thin slice across his arm. He hissed again and let go of her hands. She automatically retracted the blades and went straight for the small, innocuous panel embedded into his chest plating under his armor, prying it open and unraveling the surprisingly short red and gold cord hidden inside.

Sensing that the foreplay was over, he used his injured arm to reach for her panel, similarly nestled beneath layers of shoulder plating, and pulled out her cord. Reinforced silver polymer, practical, not showy and embellished like his. He'd done this enough times to know that the connection had to be completed simultaneously. Arcee was prepared to wait for him, only he didn't wait. He almost immediately went for his port, shoving the thin, needle tip of her cable into it with so much force that her battle computer registered the act as hostile. The air caught in her vents as their systems synchronized and she scrabbled to get his cable into her port before things got too far. She did and the connection completed, shoving her mind and body into the throes of mental pleasure.

Once again, she was thrust into the very core of the mech above her. His emotions attacked her like missile fire, coming from every direction, burning into her, leaving her open and exposed. Lust, anger, passion, instinct, pleasure, dominance, pride…everything but love. Her own emotions pushed back; many were the same. Anger, lust, passion, pleasure, pride…but there was also frustration. Longing. Regret. Hurt. Pain. Revenge. Retribution. Justice.

Curiosity nibbled at the edges of her consciousness as Knockout became aware of her internal warfare. She pushed him away. She had to do this by herself. She had to let go. She finally understood why she was with him. For release. She could feel everything at once and scream out her pain and frustration at losing Tailgate and Cliffjumper. She could face her deepest regrets. She could take out her anger on her lover. She could move on.

The culmination of the whirlwind of emotions sent her into her overload. She screamed as loudly as she could, not caring who else could hear. She screamed so loud she imagined that Tailgate and Cliff could hear her from the Matrix. "I'm sorry!" Her fingers spasmed across the floor, searching for something to grab, something to scratch. Something to tear into shreds. "Primus, I'm so sorry!" Her back arched, pressing her body into Knockout's frame. She shuttered her optics and let the emotion pour out of her mouthplates like purged energon. Like something she had to get rid of. A plague. "I'm…so…sorry…" she sobbed, fingers clenching around unoccupied air. "Forgive me! Please…please…" her screams wore out into wails as she regained control. Her back touched the ground again and she lay there pitifully, cycling air heavily, fingers twitching.

The familiar feeling of contentment spread over her, but this time, it wasn't from the afterglow. Her sobs became quiet whimpers. This was why she stayed with Knockout. She would never forget what she had done, but by staying with him, she had the chance to make peace with herself.

* * *

**A/N: **So…there you have it. A nice, sort of fluffy, sort of introspective look into the fan pairing that is Knockout and Arcee. It actually turned out getting a lot more twisted than I intended. That's what I get for following my advice and listening to that song. Over and over and over… *facepalm*

I know there were moments where they broke character…no tomatoes, please. Arcee would never giggle, blah blah blah. Like I said, this is an experiment. And characters tend to have deep thoughts in the middle of sex when I write them, I know.

*deep breath* So tell me what you think. I will pay no regard to flames, but _**constructive**_ criticism is always appreciated. Helps me a lot. And if you liked this, and haven't yet read my story in progress, Anything But Ordinary, go ahead and hop on over there and tell me what you think. No, neither of these characters are in it. Yet…


End file.
